They said I wouldn’t see today but here I am!

So today is my baby girls 13th birthday!

Since she was born all I seem to have been told is “you won’t see this milestone and you won’t see that milestone”

There has been a handful of occasions where I have been told that things aren’t looking good but each time the doctors have told me this there has always been an action plan like a new medication or looking into having a transplant only this time there isn’t that magical medication that worked better than anyone had imagined and gave me these precious extra years.

So as I sit here listening to my daughter sleeping just hours away from her waking up and realising she is finally a teenager I can’t help wonder                                                      is this the last milestone I will get to see?                                                  Will I get to see her finish secondary school or hear all about the first boyfriend that she just knows is “The one!” Or more importantly will I be there to wipe away her tears or hug her and reassure her that everything will be ok because mummy’s here to help her through her problems.

I fast forward to her wedding day will I be there to fix her veil and tell her how beautiful she is and how very proud of her I am and that all I hope is that this new chapter in her life is everything she dreams of.

All these fears right now on this very day must get pushed to the back of my mind as today I am here I am at an important milestone and I will cherish every second.

13 has always been a big deal for my baby girl, she has always said “I can’t wait until I’m 13 I will be a teenager it’s going to be amazing”

And while I’m wishing time would slow down maybe even stop for awhile here she is wishing the years away until she can finally get to the age that is the beginning of  another chapter in her life.

So the cards are in their envelopes and presents all piled high and yet  all I truly want to give her is reassurance that “everything will be ok mummy will fix the problem that is causing her so much heartache”                                                 But this time it won’t be ok will it?     this time we don’t have the magic that’s going take the suspected months and turn them into years!

My daughter is my world,my rock and very much my best friend

I am so very lucky to have the realationship that her and I have there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t have me really belly laughing or amazed at what facts she comes out with or maybe a maths equation that she solves in her head in just seconds.

I am in total awe of my daughter she is an amazing young lady with a warm and caring heart that would do anything for anyone to make their life easier or to simply put a smile on their face.

As I have said many times already today is my daughters 13th birthday and although she will get many presents I will get the best of all          Another day with her.

Happy Birthday beautiful may your day be as wonderful and special as you are.




Down but by no means out…

Hi there,

I am a 30 year old mother,wife,daughter,sister and unfortunately pulmonary hypertension sufferer!

I have had this life limitating illness for 12 years now but unfortunitly I have found myself here in the final stages of my battle!

The reason I decided to start this blog is although it seems time isn’t on my side my family and friends are and I know there is other people out there dealing with this and other illnesses that like me know what a lonely and quite frankly scary place these final days,weeks,months or years can be but yet also know that they are the  most important.                                                                                 as while we make our way to face our maker we also need to do all that we can to make sure this transition is as smooth as is humanly possible for our loved ones.

I intend to live my life (whatever time there is left of it) to the max! Here I will blog the good the bad and the ugly!                                                                                    and whatever happens I want go out with a huge smile on my face thinking boy what a ride! (Cringingly cheesy I know!)

please join me on my journey to fulfil and live each and every day that I am fortunate to have with my loved ones to the full and leave as many loving and happy memories as I can along the way!                                                                                    I want to use this space as platform to document the days in which I carry on fighting for another day with each and eveyone I love and care about whilst having an out let and maybe even a place they can eventually come to see the happiness each day spent with them gave me.

thank you for reading

L xxxxx

#pulmonaryhypertension #love&family #life